Blog time, guys and dolls! I have my usual Earl Grey tea with my usual splash of vanilla almond milk. Grab your drink du jour and let’s get on with this.
Relationships are the number one topic that I discuss with people. And I would like to think that know a heck of a lot about them.
One of my careers that I have chosen to do is be a hairstylist. I am going on my 17th year of being one. (I started when I was 5…kidding.) Over those 17 years, I have developed bonds with my clients and they share their innermost thoughts, experiences, and feelings with me. I take it with great honor and respect. I will never divulge specifics (your confessions are safe with me) and I do not judge at all. There is a safety within that. A confidence which is given.
Back to it….relationships.
Men and women are very different but from what I have observed, we have similar end goals; to love and be loved. We WANT it to work out. We WANT all that romance, splendor, adventure, twitterpation, challenge, growth, connectedness and companionship.
So why is it that there are so many heartbreaks, heartaches, sad songs and Sylvia Plath-esque poetry out there?
My first instinctual response to that question of why it doesn’t work out between lovers so often is that we live in what I call “The Instant Gratification Nation.”
People have become disposable and we have a ‘what’s next?’ attitude and our access of communication has become more digital and technological.
Everything is literally at the tips of our fingers and special events can happen so fast these days.
Sometimes when relationships are too quick to blossom, they are usually quick to wilt.
My second instinctual response to that question is “But these events, love songs, poetry and heartbreaks have been happening since the dawn of time..not just the instant gratification nation.”
Personally, the best artwork and writing I ever created was shortly after a breakup that came out of left field. It shook my very core yet it created the most beauty I’ve ever seen in my life.
Men and women have been butting heads since the beginning. History has proven that time and time again.
Therefore, it’s not just a generational occurrence…
Granted, I do think that people are more quick to jump out of a relationship when it doesn’t deem to fit their needs/wants or desires anymore these days.
People think there’s a freedom with so many choices.
But then there are those beautiful relationships. The ones where there is that click. The foundation is friendship, trust, respect and loyalty. The ones where you know that person has your back no matter what and you have their back no matter what. Your life is brighter and more complete with them. You were perfectly content on your own but their presence in your life enriches it to a deeper level and it has more meaning and value. It has sacredness. You feel protective of your significant other and your dynamic.
I have always equated relationships to be like a smoothie from Booster Juice. You taste amazing just as you are, but the relationship is like the added Booster shot that enhances flavor and performance. The key is being ok on your own, but fully welcoming something that will coincide on a grand scale.
My former pastor said something that really resonated with me.
“If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you are not watering your own grass well enough.”
The raw truth is that in every relationship, you will have moments of where you think the grass is greener on the other side. It’s human nature. But if you just tend to your grass more in those moments, you will be amazed in how it will grow.
Relationships are so unique, special and enthralling. They can create the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
The advice that I give my clients, friends, self , and now you is pretty consistent…
Know yourself and work on yourself first. Become your own best friend and know your needs, hearts desires and life musts. Be fulfilled with that and you will attract a like minded and suited partner who is at a healthy state as well. Do not look for someone who will be everything for you or make them your everything. That is too much expectation for one person.
And love. Love profusely. Love deeply. Love beautifully.
Love is a verb.